When is it okay to leave a church?
As the lead pastor of a local church, I get asked this question frequently. There will certainly be times in life when changing churches becomes necessary because of something like moving. Maybe you graduate high school and go off to college, or perhaps your job transfers you to another city or state. In the course of most Christians' lives, we will belong to several different fellowships, depending on the season of our lives.
But I have found that the question of whether or not it's okay to leave a church is not typically asked by people simply changing ZIP codes. This question arises from those struggling with something happening in their local body. As a pastor, I have been on both ends of this situation. I have met with church members from my fellowship who have felt led to leave, and I have met with those who have felt led to join our fellowship, feeling called away from where they are already members of another local body of believers. In both cases, I try to help people think through this decision systematically, prayerfully, and, of course, biblically.
When someone thinks about leaving a church, it is typically for one of two reasons. On one hand, there could be belief issues, which is the category most people fall into. This is when something has gone wrong with the doctrine. Perhaps the church is beginning to do things that are not biblical. There could be issues with the church's methodology or even a morality issue that has come to light.
Other reasons people may want to leave fall into the category of connection issues. Maybe their child is not connecting in the student ministry. Perhaps they don't like the particular style of worship music. A lot of these issues can skew more superficial, and we have to make sure we check our preferences at the door.
Whatever your reasons, this isn't a question we should approach lightly or flippantly. Let me offer four steps you need to take before you leave your church.
Step One - You need to be sure that you are leaving over an issue that you cannot agree to disagree on. In other words, many preferential things in your church might never go your way, and that's okay. But if this isn't purely a matter of preferences and you determine you should not stay where you are, you move to the next step.
Step Two - Seek counsel from other spiritually mature people in and outside your church. I do not mean gossip about your church. I do not mean go out in the community and ask everyone for their opinion. And for goodness sake, do not use social media for church health discussions. Go to people you respect and ask them to share their insights.
Step Three - Sit with someone in leadership at your church, whether that's one of the pastors or someone on staff. Openly share your concerns.
Step Four - When you are sure that God is not calling you to be a part of the solution to the problem causing issues in your church, you can feel the freedom to leave.
If you are currently facing this decision, I encourage you to take it slowly and seriously. There are circumstances in which the Lord may release you to join another fellowship in your town, but make sure it is the Lord and not your own doing. Make sure you proceed prayerfully. And if God gives you the freedom to leave your church, do not leave behind broken individual relationships, as much as it depends on you.
Be gracious. Be kind. Love people coming, and love people going.
(Wondering if the new church you are trying or the one you have been at for a while is the right place for you and your family? Don’t miss next week’s blog post, “Is This the Right Church for Me to Join?”)