No one goes to seminary and envisions that they will take a ministry position only to find themselves disqualified because of sexual sin. And when you talk to those who have struggled and fallen in this area, they didn't wake up from a vibrant walk with Christ, dealing daily with their sin, to suddenly have an extramarital affair. It is a slow, slippery slope of compromise, and the fallout is devastating.
That’s why I asked Dr. Daniel Akin, president of the Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, to have a candid conversation on my podcast about proactively battling this deadly sin. He recently celebrated 20 years of leading at this seminary and has also served in the local church, and one thing I am grateful for is that he has never minced words about the importance of men and women in ministry protecting their integrity in relationship to their sexual purity - if they are married in their covenant to their spouse, and certainly if they are single in their celibacy.
First, let’s define this sin:
SEXUAL SIN: Compromising God's standard for holiness in the area of sex, sexual desire, and sexual purity. Especially the secret sin of viewing porn which has never been more easily accessible.
Of course, we need to know that sex itself isn’t the problem. Sex is a gift given to us by God for the confines of the covenant of marriage. Because we are all sexual by design, though, that means that every man or woman in ministry is going to deal with the potential of sexual sin.
How do we battle this sin?
Time after time, when Danny has talked to men who have lost their ministry, their marriage, and their family, or at least had those things severely damaged because of sexually related sins, two things are always the case. One, they lost their intimate walk with the Lord Jesus, and two, they lost their intimacy with their spouse.
He offers these two key reminders when it comes to guarding against sexual sin:
- Stay close to Jesus. Don't lose your daily intimacy with Him. Be in the Word of God and on your knees daily. Let Scripture be the mirror that shows you your sins and the vulnerabilities in your life.
- Stay close to your spouse. Marriage is probably the hardest work you will ever do, but it is also the most worthwhile. Working on your marriage means also working on the intimacy part of your marriage. Not just sexual intimacy, but becoming best friends so that you are united in soul and spirit, as well.
I would also add that what we focus on is what becomes attractive to us. When you dwell on your spouse, you begin to want your spouse again.
Addressing Adultery
When it comes to guarding specifically against adultery, we both agree on following what many call the Billy Graham rule, which is basically never being alone behind closed doors or in a vehicle with a member of the opposite sex who is not a family member.
Danny pointed out that there will be some people who accuse you of being a Neanderthal or a sexist who thinks all women are seductresses when you set these boundary lines. But he recognizes that you can be a man after God's own heart, like David, and if you're in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person, the wrong thing can happen. This also applies to texting. This means engaging in zero private conversations with the opposite sex that extend beyond the communication of information or brief words of prayer and encouragement that you would gladly show your spouse. We must stay aware of our own sinful hearts and proactively put wise parameters in place.
I appreciate what he had to say about his critics: "If I go to my grave having been faithful to my wife, I don't care what people say about me in this particular area. I will bear those accusations fine because I finished my race having been faithful to my wife to the end."
The Pandemic of Pornography
There is also the growing issue of pornography among both men and women. We are all just three to four clicks from seeing anything we want to see on our phones, from funny videos to Amazon ads for ordering textbooks, all the way to a world of filth. We both agree there needs to be software put in place that blocks illicit material and reports our activity to an accountability partner. Along with accountability partners who pray for you and keep a check on you, your spouse needs to have access and passwords to your phone, your computer, your iPad - any source of digital temptation.
What if sexual sin is a part of your story, and you feel overwhelmed by guilt and shame?
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Danny to speak to those whose lives have been damaged by this sin, and here is what he said: “It's never wrong to start doing the right thing today, and the right thing begins with confessing your sin to a Savior who has already died for those sins and whose love is unconditional. And the fact of the matter is, He can take you where you are and begin to put you back together. It does not mean that you may necessarily be restored to vocational ministries you once did, but you can still be of worth and value to our Lord. Ask for His forgiveness. Ask for His cleansing as well. And then say, 'Lord, I don't want to be on the shelf. I want to be used by You in whatever way You see fit.' Don't be surprised if you keep yourself humble before the Lord, you may soar in a way that you could never imagine because of the sin that you committed. But the sin that He forgave and cleansed.”
Want to learn more? You can listen to 7 Deadly Sins of Ministry Episode 4: Sexual Sin featuring Dr. Daniel Akin here. And make sure to subscribe to the Living Worthy with D.J. Horton Podcast to get the next three episodes. You can also access a free download of relational and digital boundaries I created for a past sermon series here.
MAKING IT PERSONAL:
- Where might this sin specifically show itself in your life?
- What precedes your struggle with this? In other words, what time, season, situation, or stress point usually triggers this in your life?
- Who could be best suited to watch your back on this?
- When you have experienced victory in this area, what helped you the most?