We all have the potential to sin sexually, and any man or any woman who says, “I have never, I will never, and I could never” is setting his or herself up for the prerequisite sin that precedes all sins, including the sin of adultery - pride. So, instead of assuming our marriages could never possibly face any issues with unfaithfulness, we would be wise to ask the Lord how we can take preemptive steps to safeguard against infidelity.
A good place to begin is with one of the best, most concise words on this subject in all of the New Testament - Hebrews 13:4: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”
Let’s break down this simple but powerful verse.
First, we read that honor is for all.
Notice that the author does not direct his command to husbands, wives, fiancés, or pastors, but says that all should treat marriage with honor. The word all includes the married and the unmarried, the widow and the widower, the recently divorced, and the teenager not ready for marriage. This is a corporate call for all of God’s people to honor marriage—meaning they should esteem, respect, and hold it up in high regard.
Next, we see that intimacy is for one.
The writer shifts focus from the corporate idea of all people honoring marriage to the individual, and he instructs that we are to let our marriage bed be undefiled. Husbands and wives must stay faithful to one another physically, emotionally, and sexually.
This truth shows up throughout Scripture. In the Old Testament, God prohibited adultery when He gave the Ten Commandments saying, “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). Jesus takes this topic a step further when delivering the Sermon on the Mount. He knew that there were people twisting the law to make it solely about the rules and regulations and not about a change of heart. Therefore, Jesus establishes His righteous standard: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28). God declares that He defines righteousness as 100 percent pure devotion to our spouse.
To ensure this devotion, what can we do to guard our hearts, minds, and bodies against infidelity?
We must pursue our Savior. The greatest thing we can ever do personally to ensure that we do not commit adultery is not to fear adultery, but to pursue Christ and grow in our faith. It is just more difficult to sin when we are seeking and pursuing Him.
We must pound our sin. Biblically, strong Christians are not strong because they are sinless. They possess strength and maturity because they deal with sin quickly and at its origin, not allowing it to take root in their heart.
We must protect our space. I like this simple little formula. Healthy restrictions plus healthy relationships equal a holy life. Boundaries truly are vital when pursuing pure devotion to our spouse. Listed here are several I have set up in my own life as a husband, father, and pastor:
- I am never alone behind closed doors with a woman besides my mother, wife, or daughter.
- I do not ride in a vehicle or appear in social settings alone with a woman besides my mother, wife, or daughter.
- I do not enter long-term counseling relationships with women. The women in my life deserve loving long-term care in certain situations. Thankfully God has raised up other incredibly gifted women or couples to come alongside them.
- I do not enter extended conversations or counsel with a woman via texting or any digital means.
- I have software on my phone that allows several people to access my social media accounts and an accountability partner to see all of my web browsing activity.
We must pursue our spouse (or purity, if single). Men, infidelity is typically a lustful act. Whatever a man dwells on is what he wants. When you dwell on your wife, you begin to want her again. When you celebrate her, all of a sudden she becomes attractive. Ladies, the same goes for you, though your desire is often not as physical as it is emotional. If you find your heart being lured away by the attention of another man, check the attention and affection you are giving to your husband.
Intentionally doing these things helps us create an environment in which the marriage bed remains undefiled. This matters because adultery is a sin, God’s judgment is real, and the fallout of adultery is far-reaching.
Christians must understand that when they commit adultery, they do not only sin against their spouse. Instead, they...
- Sin against God
- Sin against themselves
- Sin against their spouse
- Sin against the people involved
- Destroy their witness
There is no way around it. Cheating leads to condemnation because of God’s standard. But, thankfully, repentance leads to restoration because of God’s Savior.
What do you need to do today? Do you need to repent? Do you need to refocus? I promise you God’s grace is sufficient, and He is able to take what is broken and make it beautiful.