Often, submission is seen as archaic and chauvinistic, and it is not a subject I take lightly or want to write about flippantly. As a husband to an incredible woman, the father to three beautiful daughters, and the pastor to a church filled with wonderful ladies, when I come to the teachings of the Bible directed at women, I work hard to be sensitive to the challenges they face.
Recently, while preaching on marriage, I unpacked a very familiar passage written by the Apostle Paul to the church in Ephesus. He writes, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22–24, ESV).
The book of Ephesians is not primarily about marriage; it is about the life we are supposed to live in Christ. The life you live for Christ touches every relationship you have: your relationships with God, your church, your children, and your spouse. Paul, mincing no words, says the primary way a woman relates to her husband should be characterized by humble submission. I realize passages like this can be misunderstood, misapplied, and, sadly, result in women being mistreated. For this reason, let me briefly explain what biblical submission does not mean in a woman’s life.
First, submission is NOT subservience. Subservience is defined as someone being useful in an inferior capacity. Submission, on the other hand, is defined as someone choosing to yield to authority and has nothing to do with worth or value.
Next, submission does NOT suppress women. Often submission is seen as archaic and chauvinistic. But a godly woman is most certainly NOT obligated to go out and blindly submit to all men in general. She is called to submit, first to her father and second to her husband.
Finally, submission does NOT spread sin.
Some argue that telling wives to submit to their husbands causes women to endure abuse and removes accountability for men. Unfortunately, all Scripture can be sinfully twisted, and my heart breaks that there are women who have been in volatile, and even violent, situations, only to have their husbands or irresponsible spiritual leaders throw submission in their faces. Clearly, acting sinfully or continually being treated sinfully in the name of submission is not biblical submission.
What does it mean to submit? We will use the acronym W.I.F.E. to help us look at four pillars of submission found in Ephesians 5:22-24.
Worship of true submission: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (v. 22).
Paul is not saying women should worship their husbands the way they worship God. He is saying that submission is an act of worship to God because God has commanded it. Any act of obedience by any Christian is an act of worship.
Illustration of true submission: “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior” (v. 23).
Paul gives the illustration that wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. Again, submission of the church here is not referencing worship, but the way the church loves, honors, and respects Christ. There is a difference between submitting in your behavior and submitting in your attitude. Submitting to your husband will not always be easy. But if you submit with a heart full of resentment, you are saying with your attitude that you do not trust God, nor do you believe that He sees your heart and your struggles.
Faith of true submission: “Now as the church submits to Christ...” (v. 24a).
Submission is not connected to having a perfect or worthy husband. A wife submits because her Heavenly Father has said this is her primary role inside of marriage. Her willingness to submit reveals that her trust is ultimately in the Lord.
Extent of true submission: “...so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (v. 24b).
This is the most difficult part of the passage. In the original language of the text “in everything” means “in everything.” Without the discernment of the Holy Spirit, this can sound extraordinarily difficult, especially in situations where a husband does not have his wife’s best interests in mind. Nowhere in Scripture are we ever told that a husband should force submission. In other words, the command is always to the wife, not to the husband. Often in abusive situations, the husband is wrongfully and sinfully trying to force subservience.
We must go back to Paul’s letter as a whole and remember he goes on to write that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. (Ephesians 5:25) And what did Christ do for the church? He died for the church. Husbands, if she is to submit to us in everything, we must lay down our lives and our agendas, making it our primary goal to love, protect, and nurture her. We must love and lead sacrificially. (I’ll share more on this in my next blog post, coming soon.)
Finally, submission is not just for wives. A brief survey of the Bible shows that all Christians should submit often in their lives. To list a few examples, we are all commanded to submit to God’s Will, His Word, our spiritual leaders, our parents, and the laws of our governing authorities. No matter what the world tries to tell us, submission is not taboo or outdated. It is a beautiful thing to see a strong woman, secure in her identity in Christ, willingly offering her life and service to her husband and her family. Not only does this make for a strong family, but it is also a great advertisement for the power of the gospel, which is built on a Savior who submitted His life unto death for our salvation.