You have probably heard Percy Sledge’s chart-topping R&B hit released in 1966 called “When a Man Loves a Woman.” Today, instead of learning about when a man loves a woman, I want us to learn about how a man should love a woman. How does God want a man to love his wife?
Whereas the wife is called to submit (something we unpacked in THIS blog post), the husband is most certainly NOT called to rule or dictate. Rather, in a beautiful twist, he is called to love. We will look at three specific ways this should play out in marriage according to Ephesians 5:25-33.
First, a Christian husband is to love his wife sacrificially (v. 25).
Of all the metaphors God could have chosen to lead Paul to write, He chose the most beautiful act of love to ever exist. Christ’s love for the church is seen in His willingness to lay down His own life to give her life. The command is to love one’s wife. It is not a feeling or emotion. It is an exercise of the will. While a man cannot do this without the power of God working in him, the Christian husband serious about obeying his Savior MUST love his wife.
Next, Paul tells us that a Christian husband is to love his wife intentionally (vv. 26-27).
The ideal of the All-American husband is a guy who loves his wife, stays faithful to her, provides for her, and makes her feel special. These are all worthy and moral intentions. The missing piece, however, is the spiritual desire and intentionality to see her grow to be more like Christ. This is what makes a Christian husband distinctive from a moral husband. Only a Christian husband has access to the Holy Spirit through a personal relationship with Christ. Therefore, only a Christian husband can be used by God to nurture and grow his wife.
Certainly, a husband is not his wife’s Savior. He cannot do what only the Holy Spirit can do in her life. But he can lead and love her just as Christ leads and loves the church. As he does this, his wife can be drawn closer to Christ because of his life, love, and leadership.
I love what John Piper has to say about this passage of Scripture and being the head of the home: “Headship is leadership. Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.” This call to headship implies an incredible opportunity to lead. Leading one’s wife as a husband demands intentionality.
Lastly, the Christian husband is to love his wife intimately (vv. 28-33).
Oneness is stressed as Paul closes this passage. The church is one with Christ, and a husband is one with his wife. His love for her, therefore, ought to be as strong as any love he has for himself. The default desire of the human heart is to think about our own wants, needs, and desires first. But a man’s love for his wife should be so intimate that he learns to think about her just as naturally as he does himself.
I realize many men feel overwhelmed by the idea of spiritually leading their wives and families. If that is you, please allow my words to encourage you.
Leading spiritually has nothing to do with your personality or your past. Often, men think they have to sound and act like their pastor to be a spiritual leader. While pastors should be examples, there is a big difference between pastoring a church and leading your wife. Whether you feel like you are not well versed in the Bible, have strayed from God in the past, or have never had a good example to follow, God’s commands are not conditional. No matter where a man has been in the past, he can obey God, and God promises to empower his efforts.
The single greatest act of spiritual leadership in a husband’s life is simply being the lead follower of Christ in his home. He cannot lead his wife where he is not going himself.
Spiritually leading one’s wife happens in the ordinary motions of everyday life. It does not require mystical language or hidden practices. It is, however, best accomplished with other men who follow Christ. Men need and thrive with other men. A man serious about loving his wife intentionally should surround himself with other men devoted to the same high calling.
Statistically, wives will outlive their husbands. If this does happen, you want your wife to be able to look at your casket and say, “There is the body of a man who wasn’t perfect. But because he loved me and led me well, I’m more in love with the Lord Jesus, and I believe and trust God more because I watched this man walk with God.” This is the goal.